On Friday night you’re having wifi troubles while I sit and stare at a
light that will not bring me any comfort.
He sits in the other room watching football and yelling at the screen,
the screen doesn’t yell back.
Outside the birds are still singing despite the sun leaving,
perhaps they’re calling it back?
Do you think this eczema will clear up?
How did we accumulate so much?
Am I okay?
They mingle together.
The last time I really spoke in depth about my university experience may have been this post. It was the summer of last year and I was feeling unsatisfied, unmotivated and let down by university life. I had gone to university expecting to suddenly find all the answers to the questions that had been bothering me all my teenage life. Where did I fit in with other people? What was I going to do with my life? Could I really cope on my own? Some of those have been answered, but I’ve quickly found myself surrounded by a whole lot more. I guess that’s all part of growing up.
As I come to the end of my third year of university, I think I may finally be qualified to give advice on relieving stress. I’ve always been a worrier. With the worries, anxiety creeps up and stress doesn’t follow far behind. I often have no idea how stressed I am until I finally take a moment to cool down. I’m slowly learning to notice the signs, and to find remedies to combat them. So I thought I’d share my experiences with you lovely people!
This month has felt like a slow wade through treacle whilst frantically trying to hold onto a pile of paper in high wind. I have been ill, stressed, worn out and extremely anxious. This is the last stretch of my undergraduate career, and it’s only going to get harder as I begin to write my two dissertations. As always, it hasn’t been totally miserable, and it’s the small things that have been helping me through.
My first glimpse of you was through a little round window. You waved, and I waved back. Until then you had been the subject of much speculation. Who was the fifth member of our first year university flat going to be? The night before you arrived I sat in what would be your room, thinking about who might occupy it. I could never have imagined you. You began as a surprise and continue to be one.
We were friends fast, and more than that faster. I wondered if I was doing the right thing, if you were the right thing. I constantly questioned and prodded you, willing you to leave, so unused to being loved. Yet you stayed. I learnt what it was to really be part of something. I got lost in being yours, so much so that I forgot to still be mine.
I value the things you say
when you’re half asleep the most.
The drooled, bleary eyed,
limp limbed ‘I love you’.
The sighed, croaked,
groaned, ‘come back to bed’.
When I sit up,
looking at how the world
has changed in my sleep
you curl yourself around me,
legs anchored to mine,
arm across my lap,
daring me to move.
It’s in these mornings,
that I know I’m needed
and that I need you too.
The sleepy back and forth,
the half-dreamt conversations,
the way your lips silently form my name.
It genuinely upsets me that it’s March already. January was a hard month, but February has, thankfully, been much easier on me. Sunlight through the windows in the morning, less work, and a few brighter days have really helped me feel happier and more motivated. All I really needed was a bit of sunshine back in my life.
Having said that, February hasn’t been without its pressures. My reading week (a week off from classes in which you’re meant to catch up on work) is beginning to draw to a close. I feel quite panicked at the prospect of March. All the university work completed in February now needs to be put into practice, which is such a scary thought. Keeping myself steadily working each day has been vital to my progress. It’s the little things that have really kept me motivated, and I’m going to tell you about them!
I stand in the courtyard of the
Italian flats, and you appear from
Fire is all around and
you seem to burn with it,
glasses reflecting the sparks,
the borders of you blurred
my eyes water to look at you.
The flats begin to fall inwards,
great melting structures,
too weary to go on standing
In the chaos I feel your
fingertips digging into my shoulders,
your voice urging me that I am real,
even if this world is not.
I try to make you stay,
but the fire crumbles the ground
and you disappeared with it,
Only the embers are left,
I stand at the edge of the earth and
When I wrote my nostalgic Brighton post I said it wouldn’t be long before I returned to the sea. It only took me a week to get back to the place I love. With camera in hand, I headed to Brighton beach, just as the sun was setting. I thought I’d share with you all some of the photos I took tonight. I hope you enjoy them! Continue reading
Hello, hello, time for another round up of my contribution to the world of Instagram. Currently, I am waist deep in university work. If it’s not reading for literature, it’s analysing research papers or watching Star Trek episodes for linguistics. Juggling the two sides of my degree has never been this difficult, but do you know what? I’m really, bloody loving it.